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The Ortonville Independent
Ortonville, Minnesota
October 27, 1998     The Ortonville Independent
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October 27, 1998

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Too late for Clinton to make a deal with God (Edit. note: Reader Ruth Rens, former resident now of LaSalle, Colorado, submits the following from a recent issue of the Greeley (Colorado) Tribune. She writes, "My husband, Lloyd, thought you might find a little humor in this piece, even though I know the situation is serious. Our prayers are that truth and righ- teousness will prevail.") MUST HAVE God&apos;s help to Fred be the person that I want to be. -- Bill Clinton Singer God: Bill! What a surprise. 1 haven't heard from you since you were 10 years old! Bill: (biting his lip): I know, sir. I've been busy. God: And don't I know it. Gov- ernor at 32, president at 46. I'm proud of you, son. Bill: Thank you, sir. GOd: So what's on your mind? Bill: Well, sir, I'm in a heap of trouble. GOd: Tell me about it, Bill. Bill: You mean you don't know? 1 thought GOd knew every... God: Of course I know! But I wanted to hear it from you. Bill: Well, sir, I've been sinning like crazy my whole life. And, well, 1 think it's your fault. God: (A slow, deep rumble in the clouds) You've got my atten- tion, Billy boy. Bill: You created us, right? God: ! see you've been reading your Bible, son. Bill: Are you being sarcastic, sir? I thought GOd wasn't supposed to... GOd: Get on with it, will you! l've got 416 million people on hold here. (God puts his hand over his mouth and whispers to Gabriel, Guest Columnist "This should be good.") Bill: (Really biting his lip) Well, you made us who we are. You made us sexual beings; you made us want the opposite sex to ensure that reproduction would take place. Isn't that right, sir? God: (Stifling laughter) Go on, Bill. Bill: Well, I'm what they call an Alpha Male. I'm intelligent, good- looking, poised and ambitious. The best females are attracted to me. l'm only doing your bidding. This is the way the system works. Your system, sir. GOd: Bill, I know it's been a long time since you've been to Sunday school, but have you ever heard of something called free will? Bill: Hey, right. I saw the flick a few years ago with Gennifer Flow- ers. Hillary was out of town and af- ter we, well, you know, we really got a kick out of the whale and that cute kid and... God: l'.m not talking about "Free Willy," for crying out loud! I'm talking about free will. Bill: Oh, uh, yea, that's where each of us has the power to decide whether to do right or wrong. God: You chose wrong, Bill. Bill: Well, that depends upon what your definition of "chose" is and how you would define "wrong." You see, to choose means one has options; one can decide to do one thing or another. Now being fallible, we all make mistakes; sometimes what seems to be a choice really isn't. Now, when a nubile young girl walks into my of- rice, some would say it's not so much a choice as an instinctive re- action. Now "wrong" is a relative term. For example, Monica was a mixed-up kid who needed a strong father figure to help her out, and of course, I fit the bill. So what seems to be wrong to some would be an act of generosity to others. God: (Snoring sound) Bill: Sir, I really need some help. God: What would you like me to do'? Bill: Is there any way you could make like all this never happened. You know, a little time travel. 1 could go back six years, not do all that stuff. You know, when Moni- ca shows up at my office and flashes her underwear, I'd act real presidential and fatherly. We could s'the country all this pain. You lru,.w how strongly I feel other people's pain. Monica could live a normal life, the presi- dency would retain its dignity. Think of the children, sir. God: Bill, are you asking me for forgiveness or for a favor. Bill: Both. Do you have some kind of a package deal. You forgive me and help me out. GOd: And what will you do for me? Bill: (Quietly, folding his hands behind his back, lowering his eyes and rocking on his heels) Be a good little boy for ever and ever? God: Son, you are wasting your time with me. The person you real- ly need to talk to is your future boss. Bill: Who? God: (silent) Bill: You don't mean... God: I'm afraid so, son. Believe me. it doesn't make me happy to lose such a talented fellow like yourself. But one thing's for sure, you'll have no trouble finding a good lawyer down there. Fred Singer, a Greeley resident, was a teacher overseas for the De- partment of Defense, where he also wrote a column for. the Pacitic Stars & Stripes. His column appears every other Friday. WRITE-IN CANDIDATE James Nelson FOR School Board Member - Position B Ortonville Independent School District #62 To elect James Nelson to another four-year term, please write in his name and mark (X) the box. Paid for and inserted by the committee to elect James Nelson, 1010 Highlanct Highway, Ortonville, MN 56278. 00NING A FAMILY OR II PREVENTING A PREGNANCY? 11 We can help. 11 mily Planning services are NOW available to men 11 AND women of childbearing age. 1[ Call COyNTRYSIDE PUBLIC HEALTH |[ 5wilt County 1-800-057<3291 Yellow Medicine 320-564<3010 l[ Chippewa 320-269-'2174 or 1-800-894-0192 II L.c qui Parle * 320-598-7313 Big Stone. 30-839-0135 |[ State mily Planning Hotline 1-8(X)-783-9_287 TTY accessible Rosen news By Mrs. M.J. Kirehberg Charlie Schmieg of Plymouth spent the weekend at the home of his mother Mrs. Myra Schmieg. Weekend guests at the Raymond Schuelke home were Mrs. Gene Patterson of Wall, SD, Angle and Emily Kasuske of Avon, Brenda Schuelke of Watertown, Brian Schuelke of Lennox, SD, and they attended the Regina Albrecht Estate Auction sale in Madison on Saturday, Oct. 17. Mr. and Mrs. Jim Hoffman and sons of Red Wing spent MEA weekend at the Hoffman farm and were Saturday afternoon visitors at the Kevin Rademacher home. Winners of the door prizes at St. Joseph's Mission Group dinner on Sunday, Oct. 18 were Gust Stoick, George Karels, and Alan Adelman. Philip Karels of Willmar spent the weekend visiting in Rosen. Melanie Karels of Dawson visited with her father on Sunday, Oct. 18. Mrs. Marcy Trombley and Elaine of Minnetonka were Sunday, Oct. 18 visitors at the M.J. Kirchberg home and attended St. Joselh's Mission Group dinner and quilt sale. Mrs. Joan Strei, Angle Schmidt, Mrs. Lillian Struck accompanied Mrs. Marge Baumgartner of Holloway to Hinckley, on Thursday, Oct. 15 and attended the Senior Federation Convention on Friday, Oct. 17 and returned home on Friday evening. Mr. and Mrs. Rick Krakow of Brooklyn Park spent the weekend at the home of his parents Mr. and Mrs. Manfred Krakow. Sunday guests were Mr. and Mrs. Kevin Krakow and family of Strandburg, SD. Mr. and Mrs. Lester Millerbernd spent the weekend visiting with their daughter Deb in St. Paul and with Mrs. Florence Juergens in Shakopee. Jerome Radermacher of Willmar spent several days helping with the harvest at the Roger Karels farm. Mrs. Robert Rodas and Anthony of Marshall, Mr. and Mrs. Alan Dimberg and family of Alexandria were weekend guests. Mrs. Delrose Karels of Big Stone was a Saturday, Oct. 17 dinner and afternoon guest. Weekend guests at the Jim Croatt home were Mr. and Mrs. Pat Karn and family of Plymouth and Mr. and Mrs. Pat Croatt of Duluth. Mr. and Mrs. Vic Stolpman of St. Joseph spent the weekend at the Stolpman farm. Their children Aggie and Mark Stolpman, Marie and Margaret Miller of Twin Cities joined them Friday and Saturday. Mr. and Mrs. Tom Strei of Alexandria spent the weekend at the Gene Strei home. Wednesday evening until Saturday guests at the M.J. Kirchberg home were Tom and Randy Kirchberg and Jim Bruss, Dave Klockziem of New Ulm, Nathan Bruss of Minneapolis. They enjoyed hunting in this area. Mrs. Larry Weiderhoeft and family of New Ulm spent Thursday until Sunday, Oct. 18 at the home of her parents Mr. and Mrs. Lawrence Millerbemd. Friday evening, Oct. 16 visitors at the home of Rose Karels were Mr. and Mrs. Tom of Alexandria and Gene Strei. Weekend guests at the Raymond Karels home were Mr. and Mrs. Gary Karels and family of Breckenridge, Mrs. Buz Comstock and girls of Mankato. Mr. and Mrs. M.J. Kirchberg were among Sunday, OCt. 18 supper guests at the Arnie Kirchberg home in rural Milbank. Eileen Karels of Fargo spent Saturday and Sunday at the home of her parents Mr. and Mrs. Ralph Karels. Wendell Baumgartner of Rapid City spent several days at the Tom Pillatzki home and enjoyed hunting in this area. MEA weekend guests at the Bernard Pillatzki home were Mr. and Mrs. Mike Pavelko and family of Worthington and Mr. and Mrs. Brad Nelson and family of Glencoe. Halloween tips for trick-or-t Halloween is right around the cor- ner! Here are some tips to help you have a "spooktacular," safe and fun Halloween this year: * use face make-up instead of a mask so you can see better * wear light-colored clothing or costumes and attach some reflective tape to * your arms and legs when you go out in the dark * make a map of your trick-or-treat route for you and your parents * carry a flashlight or light stick * stay in your own neighborhood and only go to the houses where the people you know live *always keep a safe distance between you and the traffic * be respectful of other people and their property * stop only * have a parent check all your treats any of them  iJ * start early and end evening * use sidewalks traffic at all * stop, look, and liste ners * walk, don't run * don't go between crisscross back and streets or into traffic * always go with never alone * don't ever go house, no matter * don't lighted torches HAVE A NORTHEAST CENTER Serving N.E. South Dakota and Western Minnesota for f$ Seeing patients weekly at the Ortonville HOSp,"- Call Lori I.arson at 1-320-839-2502 for an a WE NOW ACCEPT MEDICARE ASSIGNMENT  1. V, ILD.  L Kd, AUD. Can Make the Positive Elizabeth FOR COUNTY -Beardsley/Browns -KS. in Economics from Former Treasurer of 4-H I would like to thank people for their support was campaigning and I hope to have their support on Nov. 3rd. if I happened to miss was campaigning, I apologize. I am ready to while in office and I hope to get the chance to YK computer compliance. VOTE EXPEPJENC AND KN Inserted and pakl for by the candte on her own Ixhalf, RR 1,1 BIG STONE PHYSICAL THERAPY STAFF. Left to right, in front, are Kim Brovold, PT Aide; Steve Mach, PT; John Lightfield, PT; and Kelly Wittnebel, PTA/ATC; in back, Paul Treinen, PT; Wade Van Dover, PT. STONE SERVING THE COMMUNITIES OF Ortonville, MN- 320-839-4150 Gracevllle, MN- 320-748-7223 Wheaton, MN - 320-563-8226 Madison, MN - 320-598-7556 Slsseton, SD - 605-698-4645 Milbank, SD 605-432-4538 NOW ALSO SERVING ST. BERNARD'S HOSPITAL IN MILBANK October Is National Physical Therapy Month; six Stop in anytime at one of our locations and meet our new staff The rehabilitative experts in the evaluation and treatment for: . Joint or muscle pain/dysfunction Gait/walking dysfunction Neuromuscular pain/dysfunction Sports related injuries e Cardiac rehabilitation (3ctober is National Physical Ther; Physical Therapists c omPeO influence the lives of the touch in positive and mean' ways through their kno wledge' dedication, and inspiration" TuesdaY' Page 12b  INDEPENDENT